Tapped To Host The Super Bowl Party But DGAF About Football? Here’s Your Guide.
I’ve never watched a full game, but it’s fine.
Despite years (YEARS) of pretending to care about football, I usually lose interest before the first quarter is over. I have questions that even the most casual fan would roll their eyes at. Even for this article, I Googled “28 Football Terms To Make You Sound Like a Pro.” Thank you, Dictionary.com, for always being there when I need you!
Honestly, being a mom, my biggest concern is how many concussions the players have had throughout their lives. Are they OK? I realize not everyone is like this. My 3-year-old daughter likes to jump up and down and scream, “Touchdown, Giants,” while I take up valuable real estate dozing on the couch.
I know what you’re thinking — who better to advise on throwing a Super Bowl party than someone who doesn’t ever watch football? But my idea of a good Super Bowl party has something for everyone, whether or not they own a foam finger. I like hosting friends for the Super Bowl because it subverts the usual rule that turning on the TV kills a party. Imagine! The whole point of the party is to watch TV together!
If you’re like me and want to take advantage of this rare opportunity, here are some ideas for your own gathering.
1. Don’t over-plan.
One perk of a party centered around a sporting event is that you can bet your guests are likely there to watch said event, not sit through party games. Yay!
2. OK, but fine, do the boxes.
Perhaps the only way to keep non-fans interested until the end is the potential $20 windfall they may get after it. The only effort this “game” requires is picking random squares on a piece of paper. Just my speed.
3. Put some sort of dip in a bread bowl.
It’s an appetizer. It’s a conversation piece. It’s a literal bowl, so it’s very on-brand for the main event.
4. Set up a DIY chili bar.
Leave out a bunch of toppings to give guests the slightest bit of agency on a night when everything else is out of their control.
5. Prop bets galore!
They’re not party games as much as conversation starters. No need to bet on the final score when there are other equally important questions to ask, like “Who will win the coin toss?” and “What color Gatorade will the winning coach get drenched in?”
6. Just talk about Taylor and Travis.
Take advantage of the monoculture’s dying breath. Some opening lines: Did you see Taylor doling out $100 bills to food runners in her Chiefs suite last month? What are your thoughts on Travis’s facial hair? How long until she receives a key to Kansas City?
7. Get a football pinata.
It’s a healthy outlet for anyone who needs a moment to release their rage. If your kid asks to take a swing, lie and tell them it’s empty inside, like your soul after any other occasion that requires a pinata.
8. Offer fun non-alcoholic drinks.
Another year, another failed attempt at making the day after the Super Bowl a national holiday. If your guests are trying to make it to Monday without a hangover, give them some options.
9. Have the Puppy Bowl on somewhere.
True, it doesn’t overlap with the actual game. But even if you tee up last year’s match on your laptop, it’s probably the only other show you can get away with having on in the background.
10. Have enough seating.
When uninterested guests start to nod off, make sure they are near some comfy cushions that can swallow them whole.
See? Painless enough. And remember, it’s your party — you’ll wax poetic about the Kelce family if you want to.
