How To Ask For Financial Help When You Need It

As mothers, we’re not always good at asking for help; the invisible mental load we carry is a testimony to that. But there is one thing that all moms have in common: We want to protect our children at all costs. We are vigilant in teaching them about stranger danger and guarding their health and nutrition. Yet when it comes to money, things aren’t always as easy as trusting your mom-gut.

Having stable finances can be a huge step in protecting our families for the future, but it’s complicated. With so many variables, including unexpected layoffs and the costs of childcare, it’s not hard to find yourself slipping into debt.

Figuring out how to ask for financial help starts with determining if it’s time.

How do you know when it’s time to ask for help?

“The answer is you should already be thinking about it when debt payments take up more than 25% of your take-home pay,” Eric Croak, president of Croak Capital, an Ohio-based fiduciary financial firm, advises. “If a person is shelling out $1,200 on debt service each month on a take-home pay of $4,500, it’s not long before they have no room for the necessities.”

Croak notes other warning signs: missing medical bills, sacrificing kids’ activities, and using credit cards to pay for groceries.

“Asking for help can be one of the best things consumers can do, especially those with families to support,” says finance and debt expert Leslie H. Tayne, Esq., founder of Tayne Law Group. “When consumers are trying to manage their debt but are unable to make even the minimum payments, it is time to ask for help.”

So... what do you do?

“First, assess your debt situation, writing out a list of each debt, how much you owe, the interest rate on each account, and your monthly minimum payment,” says Andrea Woroch, mother of two and a nationally recognized consumer finance expert. “This can help you get organized and figure out where you stand. Many people don't know where they stand or what they owe in total, which can often be more than you even think.”

While this can be a scary and intimidating step, debt spirals quickly — facing up to what you actually owe is the best way to address the issue. Once you’ve laid it all out, it’s time to come up with a plan.

“Always focus on the bad debt and the accounts with the highest interest rates first to save more on useless fees,” advises Woroch. Student loans and mortgages often have lower interest rates, but most credit cards have high interest rates and surcharges that make it difficult to pay beyond the minimum payment.

When it comes to credit card debt, Woroch suggests the following:

• Use a balance transfer card to transfer debt from a high-interest credit card to one with a 0% APR. Look for one that has a 0% interest for at least 18 to 21 months. Paying off this card will be possible because your minimum payments actually make a dent.
• Use a website like Card Rates to compare different no-interest options.
• Negotiate interest rates with your credit card company.
• Use a debt payoff tracking tool to get a picture of how you can repay your debt and to help keep you motivated.

Another option many families consider is a personal loan to consolidate credit card balances. This allows you to pay off the high-interest balances at once and then pay a lower, fixed monthly payment. “Beware of fees and look for a loan that doesn't charge an origination fee or early payoff fee,” cautions Woroch. She also reminds parents that, even with poor credit, there are sites like BadCredit.org that can help you find debt consolidation loans.

Jason Pack, chief revenue officer at Freedom Debt Relief, offers a few additional options for families hoping to take control of their debts. “Homeowners who have built up equity in their homes, and with very good credit, may qualify for a home equity line of credit or home equity loan, and then use the funds to consolidate and pay off debt,” says Pack.

Other solutions exist, too, but some can get sticky. For example, Pack advises against borrowing from a 401K or life insurance. And although for some people, asking friends or family members for financial help may be an option, Pack cautions, “While you may find a better interest rate than a bank would offer, there is also the possibility for strained relationships, and if you have trouble repaying, even legal action against you.”

Whatever resources you use, all these financial experts agree that taking a realistic look at your finances, however painful, is the first step in gaining financial help. “It’s the point at which asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a plan for survival,” Croak reminds us.

Being in debt often comes with a lot of stigma or shame, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and a wealth of assistance to help you get back on your feet.