105 Skeleton Jokes & Puns That Are Super Humerus

When you actually stop and think about it, it's super weird and maybe even more than a little creepy that we use fake human corpses to decorate for a holiday geared toward children. But never mind that — when the spooky season rolls around, it's time to make some skeleton jokes and puns! And, in fairness, skeletons are technically educational: Practically every science classroom, laboratory, or office of an intelligent person in movies and on TV shows has one hanging in the corner.

Case in point: Did you know that we have roughly 270 bones in our skeleton at birth, but by the time we reach adulthood, that number drops down to 206? Yep, a bunch of our bones fuse together over time. Now you know! Here's another interesting fact for you: The word "skeleton" comes from the Greek word skeletós, which means "dried up" (just like your bank account after springing for your kids' Halloween costumes).

So, if you think of it that way, skeletons are rather versatile. They serve both as a learning tool and spooky seasonal decorations. If you can get down with that logic, you're going to love these skeleton jokes and puns (they make perfect IG captions!) — no bones about it.

The Best Skeleton Jokes and Puns

1. What was the skeleton doing at the hockey game?

Driving the zam-bony.

2. Why are skeletons so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

3. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?

Because he had nobody to dance with.

4. What do you call a skeleton with no friends?

Bonely.

5. What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant?

A bone-zai.

6. Why can’t skeletons play church music?

Because they have no organs.

7. What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?

A numb-skull.

8. Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at the joke?

Because he didn’t have a funny bone.

9. What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?

Spare ribs.

10. How do French skeletons say hello?

“Bone-jour!”

11. What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?

A dead ringer.

12. Who won the skeleton beauty contest?

No body.

13. What did one skeleton say to the other skeleton?

“You’re dead to me.”

14. Why didn’t the skeleton play football?

His heart wasn’t in it.

15. Why did the skeleton go to jail?

Because he was bad to the bone.

16. Why did the skeleton start a fight?

Because he had a bone to pick.

17. What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend?

“Will you marrow me?”

18. When does a skeleton laugh?

When someone tickles his funny bone.

19. What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesn’t do any work?

Lazy bones.

20. Why do skeletons hate the cold?

It sends chills up their spine.

21. What do you call a skeleton snake?

A rattler.

22. How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?

He could feel it in his bones.

23. Did you hear about the skeleton who dropped out of medical school?

He didn’t have the stomach for it.

24. What happened to the skeleton who sat by the fire too long?

He became bone dry.

25. What kind of TV does a skeleton watch?

A skelevision.

26. What happened to the pirate ship that sank in a sea full of sharks?

It came back with a skeleton crew.

27. What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?

Bone china.

28. What is a skeleton’s favorite mode of transport?

A scare-plane.

29. What does a skeleton fly in if his scare-plane isn’t available?

A skele-copter.

30. What do skeletons say when they set off to sea?

“Bone voyage!”

31. What type of candy sent the skeleton to the hospital?

Jawbreakers.

32. What do skeletons hate the most about the wind?

Nothing. It goes right through them.

33. Why didn’t the skeleton rob the bank?

Because he didn’t have the guts.

34. What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?

A trom-bone.

35. What’s a skeleton’s second favorite instrument?

A sax-a-bone.

36. What is a skeleton’s favorite type of film to watch?

A spine-tingler.

37. Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?

Because a dog was after his bones!

38. Who is the most famous French skeleton?

Napolean Bone-aparte.

39. What did the skeleton say to the vampire?

“You suck.”

40. Who is the most famous skeleton detective?

Sherlock Bones.

41. What did the doctor say to the skeleton who had a temperature of 103 degrees?

“Looks like you are running a femur.”

42. What’s a skeleton’s favorite rock band?

The Grateful Dead.

43. What kind of fish do skeletons like to eat?

Carpals.

44. What’s a skeleton’s next favorite rock band?

Bone Jovi.

45. Why did the skeleton go to the dance?

To see the boogie man.

46. What is half the diameter of a skeletal circle?

The radius.

47. Why did the skeleton student stay late at school?

He was boning up for his exam.

48. What do bony people use to get into their homes?

A skeleton key.

49. What do you call a skeleton who hangs out in coffee shops and listens to indie music?

A hip-ster.

50. What is a skeleton’s favorite thing to do with their cell phone?

Take skelfies.

51. Why couldn’t the police arrest the skeleton?

They couldn’t pin anything on him.

52. How did the skeleton know the other skeleton was lying?

He could see right through him.

53. What Spanish food do skeletons enjoy most?

Patella.

54. What did the skeleton say when he went riding on his motorcycle?

“I’m bone to be wild!”

55. Why did the skeleton go to the hospital?

To have his ghoul bladder removed.

56. What do you call a lie told by a skeleton?

A fibula.

57. What did the skeleton say to his wife?

“I love every bone in your body.”

58. What job on a construction site is best suited to a skeleton?

Cranium operator.

59. What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?

The living room.

60. How did skeletons send mail back in the olden days?

The Bony Express.

61. How much does an elephant skeleton weigh?

Skele-tons.

62. What type of art do skeletons like?

Skulltures!

63. What do skeletons complain about?

Aching bones.

64. Why do skeletons drink so much milk?

It’s good for the bones!

65. Why did the skeleton go to acting classes?

He wanted tibia star.

66. Where do bad jokes about skeletons belong?

In the skelebin.

67. Why can’t skeletons fly over Area 51?

It’s a no-fly bone.

68. What kind of pasta do skeletons enjoy eating the most?

Elbow macaroni.

69. Who is a skeleton’s favorite female movie star?

Ulna Thurman.

70. What does a skeleton use to cut through objects?

A shoulder blade.

71. What kind of jokes do skeletons tell?

Humerus ones.

72. What kind of birds do skeletons like?

Sea skulls.

73. What does the skeleton realtor say to his clients at closing?

“Spine on the dotted line!”

74. Why was the skeleton always failing tests?

He was a numbskull.

75. What’s a skeleton’s motto?

Eat, drink, and be scary!

76. What did the skeleton in the Shakespeare play say?

“Tibia, or not tibia... that is the question.”

77. What’s a skeleton’s favorite place in the mall?

Cinnabone.

78. What did the labrador retriever say to the skeleton?

“C’mon, throw a dog a bone!”

79. What’s a skeleton’s go-to way to pay?

Crypt-o-currency.

80. What movie stars skeleton dinosaurs escaping and terrorizing people?

Thoracic Park.

81. Why didn’t the homeowner want to have anyone over?

He had skeletons in his closet.

82. Why didn’t the skeleton get envious?

He didn’t have a jealous bone in his body.

83. What did the hardworking skeleton get from his boss at the end of the year?

A bone-us.

84. What did the skeleton say to the scammer?

“I wasn’t bone yesterday!”

85. What do you call a skeleton who only has one skill?

A one-trick bony.

86. Why did the awkward skeleton have trouble making friends?

He had no social skulls.

87. Why was the little skeleton’s mom always hovering around?

She was a skelecopter parent.

88. Why did the skeleton decide not to go out with her rowdy friends?

She was trying to stay on the straight and marrow.

89. Why did the skeleton want to go to the nightclub?

She heard it was a really hip joint.

90. What is a skeleton’s favorite indie rock singer?

Bone Iver.

91. What’s a skeleton’s favorite fashion accessory?

Skullcaps.

92. Why won’t the skeleton go into the forest?

She knows that sticks and stones may break her bones!

93. How does a French skeleton say goodnight?

“Bone-soir.”

94. What’s it called when a skeleton lawyer does work for charity?

Pro bone-o.

95. What’s a skeleton’s favorite fruit?

A spineapple.

96. How does a skeleton cut up his dinner?

With a boning knife.

97. Why did the skeleton go to the butcher?

He wanted to put some flesh on his bones.

98. Where did the skeleton keep her pet parakeet?

In her rib cage.

99. What kind of party do country-western skeletons throw?

A bone-anza.

100. Why was the skeleton elected president?

She was a natural bone leader.

101. What did the famous skeleton say?

“It’s bone-ly at the top!”

102. How did the skeleton feel the day after Halloween night?

Bone-tired.

103. What did the skeleton say after reading Stephen King’s It?

“That book was bone-chilling.”

104. Why did the skeleton tell his classmates he couldn’t go out?

He needed to bone up for the test the next day.

105. What did Smokey Bear say to the skeleton?

“Bone-ly you can prevent a forest fire.”