This Dad Didn't Realize How Taxing The Mental Load Was Until He Was Left On His Own
The reception to his confession was...mixed.
We’re no strangers to the mental load — the constant hamster wheel of thoughts that go on in a default parent’s head about the ins and out of the family unit. From homework to dentist appointments to dog grooming and the like, there is a lot to manage. For most primary parents, this leads to a pretty intense burnout. We try to vent to our partners about this, and sure, they can empathize, but do they really get it?
One dad realized that he totally did not get it (aka the drain of the mental load) until his wife went on a trip, leaving him to be the primary parent and head of the household for himself and their three kids. He spoke honestly and openly in his video, facing some praise as well as some backlash from internet users.
“I've been a single dad for eight days because my wife is in the Philippines,” content creator and former NFL player, Cedric Thompson Jr. begins. “And I had no idea it was this tough.”
He prefaces that he knew his wife being gone wasn’t going to be a walk in the park, but everything was way more taxing than he had originally prepared for.
“I was prepared for the cleaning, lodging back and forth, the unexpected sickness, the feeding, the sleeping, but one thing I was not prepared for was the mental load. I had no idea it felt like this, to think about things that need to be done, that haven't been done, or things that I need to plan to do. It's so draining that I don't even have the energy to take care of myself at all.”
And our husbands wonder why it’s been five days since we’ve showered!
He goes on to say that now, having experienced the heaviness of being the default parents, he has a lot more empathy for his wife. Now, he wants to be better.
“I truly understand what she means by this mental load and how draining it is. This has really opened my eyes and it's making me ask myself,’ what more can I be doing? What has been going on that I haven't been seeing and it's been right in front of me? How can I step up the way that my wife needs me to, instead of doing things that I think are helping?’ Now I know I can't always take the mental load away, but I can definitely make it light.”
In the caption on the video, he elaborated, “Eight days of solo parenting taught me more about mental load than I ever imagined. The endless planning, remembering, and organizing is exhausting in ways I never understood before. The most profound lessons come when we walk in someone else’s shoes, even if just for a little while.”
While this is all well and good, we’re happy when primary parents are seen and heard, some people who saw Thompson’s video had some bones to pick.
“I’m trying to be positive, but it’s the fact that he said ‘now he knows how his wife feels’ but I see 3 big a$$ kids, where have you been the whole time? Why are you just understanding this?” one user asked.
Another echoed, “How do men not understand their wife’s workload and bandwidth while literally sleeping next to her and living in the same house? Does she really have to leave the country for him to understand her contributions? Men have to do better.”
“And a lot of women do all this plus work full time,” another noted! (Preach!)
However, some came to Thompson’s defense.
“This is amazing on so many levels because it’s emphasizing humility, understanding and empathy by walking in someone else’s shoes.A good reminder to treat others with kindness and compassion because we truly don’t know (even though we think we might) what they have gone through and are going through,” one user wrote.
Another added, “Why are people making this all about themselves in these comments? 🤣🤣🤣. That’s a good man, and a great husband and father. You don’t know until you know, and now he knows. I appreciate him expressing it and wanting to take some of the load off of his sweet wife, because in all honesty, even SHE doesn’t fully know what she’s carrying every day. I love it! Good on you, Sir!”
It’s true, right? How are men supposed to do better and be better if we don’t actually acknowledge when they try or make better choices? I’m not saying that he deserved a gold medal or anything, but at the very least, a “glad you finally got to this mental space” goes a long way!
