Divorce Coach Breaks Down How To Handle Co-Parenting With A Liar
Leah Marie Mazur tells parents exactly what to do when a co-parent is feeding your children lies.
Odds are, you got divorced for a reason. Your newfound freedom deserves a parade, but be prepared for your ex to rain on it. Divorce recovery coach Leah Marie Mazur is on TikTok to hand you an umbrella.
In her latest video, she drops the truth about co-parenting with a liar and what you should do about it.
“Sometimes you have to deal with the co-parent that is going to straight up lie to your kids — and your kids are going to believe them,” Mazur begins.
Kids believe the lies, “Because when you're a kid and your parent tells you something, you think it's f*cking true,” she explains. “Why would my parent be lying to me?” As a child, your parents are your whole world. In terms of cognitive development, kids aren’t ready to analyze motive or context before accepting what their parents say.
Of course, it’s different for us as adults. Let’s be real, we’ve already spent a regrettable amount of time analyzing our ex’s behavior.
“We know that they're lying because they're manipulative. They're just all ego and no self-awareness,” she says. “They want to be the hero or they want to be the victim and they just want to make sure that you look bad.”
To say the very least, “That feeling of someone turning your own child against you hurts. Your first reaction might be to try to control the situation,” Mazur continues, “Tell your kids, ‘That’s not true. They’re lying to you.’”
The important thing to remember when that defensiveness kicks in is this, she explains: “What's actually happening is that you're putting your kids in the middle.”
Sure, your ex put the kids in the middle, but engaging in any back and forth only reinforces the existence of a middle between you and your co-parent.
It feels deeply unsettling to allow an adult to feed your children lies, especially if the lies are designed to turn them against you. So, what action can you take?
According to Mazur, “One of the best things you can do is to just show your kids.”
“If your ex was telling your kid that you're a liar, show your kids that you're honest with them. Don't lie to your kids.”
“If your ex is making crazy shit up, like, I don't even know, you're an alcoholic. Just show them. Like, just live. Show them how you live. And they will see for themselves.”
In other words, walk the walk. We know our actions matter more in parenting than our words. When you walk the walk as a reliable, nurturing presence, any talk claiming otherwise will only draw suspicion to the one yapping.
“They will start drawing their own conclusions. And one day, your kids are going to be old enough to start seeing right through their bullsh*t.”
“The hardest part is being patient until that happens. But there will come a day where your kids will realize who the f*cking problem was.”
The truth is, kids don’t need anyone to trash talk their toxic parent because they’re going to spend their life coming to terms with it. We can’t change our ex (Lord knows we tried!), but we can be there for our kids as a consistent, safe, and trustworthy adult. We get to be the foundation where they build a self concept and worldview that equips them to cope with whatever realities await.
