I Hate Throwing My Kids’ Birthday Parties

I have to get something off my chest: I hate throwing birthday parties for my kids.

Every aspect of throwing one gives me anxiety. It’s all just too much. There are so many little things to consider and I tend to spiral over all of the details. And then, of course, there’s the money. I’d love to say I am above the unrealistic expectations social media has put on kids' birthday parties, but I’m not. So I end up putting irrational pressure on myself to try to create an Instagram-worthy event.

My oldest daughter’s 8th birthday is just around the corner, but she started talking about what kind of party she wanted to have months ago. Eva has always loved her birthday (what kid doesn’t?) and genuinely enjoys planning her celebrations. Me on the other hand? Not so much.

Aside from her first birthday party, I’ve managed to have all of Eva’s birthdays outside of the house because I’ve found that planning and hosting are easier that way. We rented out a park pavilion one year, another year she took two friends for mani-pedis and pizza, and last year we set up a private art class through our town’s art center. In all of these situations, the entertainment was baked in, and as an extra bonus, I did not have to deep clean my home in preparation for the event.

This year, however, all Eva wants is to have a Squishmallow-themed party at home, which adds a whole new layer of overwhelm to the party planning.

I pitched several alternative party ideas to my daughter, but she stood her ground and insisted that this was the party she wanted. Then I logged onto Pinterest to get some ideas, then quickly became discouraged and shut my laptop.

Why is it that other parents seem to be able to plan and execute their kids’ parties so flawlessly? What am I missing?

After my Pinterest meltdown, I called my mom and, like the needy daughter I am, I whined about how bad I am at all of this and showered her with compliments before begging for her help. Thankfully, she agreed to come to my rescue.

My mom knows how to throw a party; she just didn’t pass that skill down to me, apparently. She loves to host, and I’m convinced there is not a single type of serving platter or piece of entertaining decor the woman doesn’t have. When I was a kid, she almost always hosted my birthday parties at our house, which she decked out with decor based on my theme of the year, from Hawaiian Luau to Spice Girls. Knowing she’ll be there is a huge weight off my mind. Unfortunately, she can’t help with the other aspect I find so hard: the social energy.

As an introvert, social gatherings take a lot out of me. I have to really hype myself up before group events, especially in situations where I have to chat with people I only kind of know or don’t know at all — such as fellow parents.

At Eva’s age, it seems like half of the parents are comfortable with dropping their kids off for birthday parties, while the other half prefers to hang around. I don’t blame any parent for wanting to stay with their child at a party, but knowing I have to make small talk while also keeping a bunch of 7 and 8-year-olds occupied definitely adds another layer to the stress and anxiety that I experience as a host.

But maybe the biggest thing I’m agonizing over is whether the event will live up to Eva’s expectations. She has a big imagination and always has so many ideas for what she wants for her celebrations, but bringing those ideas to life isn’t always easy (and sometimes it’s just plain impossible). I throw her birthday parties, fully aware that I will be uncomfortable with the process from start to finish, with the sole intention of making her happy, and I would be devastated if I let her down.

I love my daughter so much, and in my opinion, she is always worth celebrating. I just wish I had this secret birthday party super-power that so many other parents seem to have so that I could actually enjoy her parties instead of dwelling on them.

Ashley Ziegler is a freelance writer living just outside of Raleigh, NC, with her two young daughters and husband. She’s written across a range of topics throughout her career but especially loves covering all things pregnancy, parenting, lifestyle, advocacy, and maternal health