Ilana Glazer Perfectly Explained Why She Doesn't Feel "Mom Guilt"

Ilana Glazer has had it with “mom guilt” — and honestly, so have I. Why do we have a mom-specific phrase for feeling like you’re not doing enough for your children? After all, I’ve never heard anyone talk about “dad guilt.”

The comedian and toddler mom recently made her Broadway debut in the play Good Night, and Good Luck, which has lead to her spending more time away from her daughter than ever before.

Glazer said that her on-stage success has brought upon plenty of people asking if she feels “guilty” for the time spent away from her daughter, so she took to Instagram Reels to explain that, no, she doesn’t feel guilty — but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t miss her child.

“I don't feel guilty. I don't. I feel sad. I'm missing out on a lot of time with her, so I'm sad about that,” Glazer said. “I'm thrilled about the creative self actualization that I'm experiencing on this play, and I'm holding both those things.”

Guilt, Glazer explained, is an “outside-in” response. Other people (society, your mother-in-law, etc.) expect you to, and might even cause you, to feel bad for doing something that takes time away from your children. She says that moms shouldn’t have to feel guilty for pursuing something for themselves, but that sometimes, the guilt can serve as a way to avoid feeling the very real, very difficult sadness of not being there for your child.

“Sadness is something that this whole system is desperately trying to avoid. You know, you feel sad, buy some shit. You feel sad, hurt other people, or just don't look inward and don't feel what you're feeling in your body,” Glazer said.

“So I've been really embracing feeling sad about missing my little baby girl,” she continued. “I think it's my job as a parent to feel my sadness and obviously to hold it and not put it on her. So, mom guilt? Nah. Mom sad? Yeah!”

Moms in the comments agreed with Glazer’s take, and thanked her for sharing it.

“Mama sad always!” one user said. “I miss my babies when I’m out doing what I love. I want to be there soaking them up every minute of the day.”

“As a mom who works a lot and was literally talking about my mom guilt around this with a fellow mom friend yesterday, this is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you,” said another.

“Good for you. Being away from a child to pursue your dreams and worth outside of being a mom is setting an example especially for little girls that you are a strong woman who respects her needs. She will be in awe of you her whole life!!” another added.

Dr. Shieva Ghofrany, an OBGYN, commented as well, sharing how she helps patients of her own dealing with mom guilt.

“I like to tell my patients who express this a lot (obgyn;) and remind MYSELF that ‘guilt should be reserved for when one KNOWINGLY, WILLFULLY inflicts harm.’ Other wise, guilt need not apply,” she said. “Working? Is it bc you need to help support and/or you enjoy independence? If yes—then no ‘knowing/willful harm’ thus—no guilt!!”

Being a working mom isn’t easy, and we don’t have to pretend it’s not sad to miss out on certain parts of your child’s life (and you’re not a bad feminist for feeling sad, either, BTW!). But, can we maybe make a mom pact to not feel guilty for pursuing our dreams? Yes? Awesome.