Why Your Child’s Imaginary Friend Suddenly Goes AWOL, According To Psychologists

As a child, making a new friend can be as simple as finding someone who likes the same cartoon as you or who also enjoys playing with dinosaurs. (If only it were that easy as an adult!) On top of that, kids can — and often do — invent their own playmate in the form of an imaginary friend. (Something else that doesn't fly when you're an adult.)

If your child has had one of their own, you know these pretend pals can arrive without warning and expect to live in your home rent-free. You may have also noticed that these make-believe chums can pick up and leave as quickly as they appeared. Perhaps they no longer show up to get an extra dessert, or your kid suddenly stops talking about them. Now what?

Scary Mommy spoke to two psychologists to find out why your child's imaginary friend suddenly disappeared, and how to support them through the transition.

Why do kids have imaginary friends?

First, let's talk about why some kids develop imaginary friendships. While it might seem like it's all about always having someone to play with, Roseann Capanna-Hodge, EdD, a certified school psychologist, integrative children's mental health expert, and founder of The Global Institute of Children's Mental Health, says it's more than that. "They're how kids process emotions, build social skills, and even practice self-regulation," she explains. "It's their way of feeling safe, creative, and in control of their world."

Essentially, imaginary friends are like "emotional training wheels," helping kids build confidence and manage their feelings. Capanna-Hodge elaborates, “An imaginary friend can be a great comforting companion who allows you to express yourself with full acceptance as a child begins to navigate the world on their own.”

Capanna-Hodge says that kids typically develop imaginary friends between ages 3 and 7, when they're exploring their creativity and learning to regulate big feelings and uncomfortable sensations through play. "This is the peak time for imaginative play and, as they grow, their imaginary friends often become more complex and can even take on specific roles in their daily play as kids get older, helping them work through challenges and problem-solving," Capanna-Hodge explains.

Is it normal to have imaginary friends?

Having an imaginary friend is a perfectly normal, healthy part of childhood, says Leslie Sanders, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist and program director of AToN Center. In fact, research has suggested that as many as 65% of kids have imaginary friends at some point. Far from being a problem, Sanders says that imaginary friends are "often an indicator of a child who has a vibrant imagination and enjoys independent imaginative activities."

Plus, having an imaginary friend is a sign that a child's brain is hard at work figuring out relationships, emotions, and self-regulation without their parents jumping in to help. "Think of an imaginary friend as a child's built-in coping tool," Capanna-Hodge says. "When they're feeling anxious, bored, or overwhelmed, their imaginary buddy is there to help them work through it — no judgment, just comfort." Imaginary friends are a great way for kids to develop self-regulation skills, amplify creative thinking, and reduce reliance on devices to keep them occupied, she adds.

Why might a child's imaginary friend suddenly disappear?

So, one day your kid and their imaginary friend are inseparable, but the next day they stop talking about them altogether or pretend they never existed in the first place. What's going on? According to Capanna-Hodge, this is completely natural and usually happens when kids develop stronger coping skills, make more real-world friends, or become more engaged in activities. "As kids grow and their nervous system matures, they naturally outgrow their imaginary friends," she says.

Most imaginary friends gradually fade away as children become more self-aware and self-regulated, around age 7 or 8, Capanna-Hodge explains. "The imaginary companion's disappearance is a positive indication that the child's requirements are being met through other sources such as friendships or alternative forms of play," says Sanders.

What should parents do when their child's imaginary friend goes away?

First, parents should understand that the transition away from having an imaginary friend is simply a sign of their growing independence and emotional maturity — a time of developmental growth, as Capanna-Hodge puts it. If your child needs some support following the disappearance of their imaginary friend, here's what she suggests:

• Talk to your child about their imaginary friend in a positive light, highlighting all the good times they shared.
• Provide outlets for them to channel their creativity into new hobbies, such as drawing, writing, or acting out stories with toys.
• If they feel a sense of loss, reassure them that it's okay to feel that way and that they can always "visit" their friend in their thoughts if they want to.

Overall, imaginary friends — and their comings and goings — are a normal part of childhood development. "Parents should know that imaginary friends may disappear, but the emotional skills and self-regulation they helped develop with their 'buddy' will stick with your child for life," Capanna-Hodge says.