If Your Kid Is In Therapy, You Should Be, Too

If your kid is in therapy, conversations about it can admittedly be pretty awkward. Do you ask about it? What do you do if they bring it up? Are you doing anything wrong? Can you do anything to help?

It’s completely normal to want to help out your kid in therapy, and have absolutely no idea how. One therapist offered her thoughts on how you can be of service in your child’s therapy journey. Her answer? Go to therapy yourself.

Emily, of @therapybyemily_ on Instagram, is a licensed clinical social worker and therapist. She responded to a fellow therapist seeking advice on how to best communicate with parents of young clients, and shared how she felt parents can best help their kids.

“When I was first a therapist, I was like, oh, good on these parents for bringing their kids into therapy,” she said. “But now, the older I get, I'm like, wait a second, this actually isn't enough.”

“There's some really interesting research out there that shows, if only the parent gets therapy, and the kid does nothing, they still see improvements in the kid,” she explained.

Emily explained that children, and especially teens, benefitted greatly from their parents also attending therapy, and being able to discuss their children’s progress — within reason.

“Of course, due to confidentiality, I always tell the parents and the kids, I'm not going to tell you anything your kid says unless it's like a safety issue, but that doesn't mean that you're not going to know what we're working on,” she said.

“I encourage the child to be the one to tell their parent what the homework is, rather than me,” she added.

Kids may be dealing with internal struggles, and having a parent in the loop for support can help their progress. Parents might also be unaware of how some of their own behaviors affect their kids, and going to therapy could help them better understand that. Either way, Emily emphasized that the point of parents attending therapy is to work with them, to reach the best possible outcome for their child.

“I know that you know your child best, so here's what I'm observing, we're on the same team, how can we get over this,” she said.

Other therapists in the comments widely agreed, and shared different ways they saw families benefit from parents starting therapy.

“I work mainly with the parents as they’re usually their biggest advocate and need help in how to navigate their child’s struggles at home. That support is sooo crucial,” one user said.

“Yes!! I used to work with kiddos but now I’ve shifted and will eventually convince the parent to see me instead after the consultation call lol. So much more impactful! (Obviously I recognize there are exceptions to this),” said another.

Other commenters shared their own experiences with their own parents refusing to get therapy.

“I did go to therapy to work on myself bc I had a terrible relationship with my parents, I improved and I healed myself, but they literally refuse to reassess themselves in any kind of way so the relation is not improved at all,” one user said. “I make efforts and I don’t lose my temper as much as before but it’s not enough, both parts need to improve.”

Your child needing therapy, or needing it yourself, are both incredibly normal — and neither mean you’re a bad parent! Choosing to go to therapy in addition to your kid getting help may be one of the best things you can do for both of you.