Parents Of An Only Child Deserve To Feel Stressed Too

“Do you have any more kids or just the one?” It’s a question I’ve been asked countless times by fellow parents at various birthday parties or school pickups while we stand around watching our kiddos play. And my answer is always the same: “No, it’s just my son. He’s an only child.” The question has always seemed innocent enough and without any detectable judgment. But there’s just something about that phrase “just the one” that’s always rubbed me the wrong way. As if one, by itself, isn’t enough or less than what it should be.

As an only child myself, I never thought of it as anything to be ashamed of. But now that I’m a mom, I'm much more aware of the stigma surrounding the “one-and-done” mentality. No one is ever directly rude or insensitive, but subtle remarks like “just the one” or assurances that “there’s still time” to have another suggest my life — and my child’s life — are lacking in some way. It’s as if to say our family isn’t whole just the way we are.

It can feel a little isolating at times. In fact, there have been moments when I’ve hesitated to open up to other moms about my own parenting struggles or concerns because I only have one kid, whereas many of them have multiple. I’ve found myself wondering, How can my problems compare when I’m dealing with one kiddo and they’re juggling two or three or even four? It can make me feel like I don’t have a right to complain or vent about my child’s latest tantrum because they are dealing with those things on a larger scale than I am.

It’s worth noting that no parent has ever said any of this to me directly. But it’s an underlying worry that always creeps into the back of my mind. In many ways, society (and social media, a viral extension of society) has conditioned me to think that way. If you don’t have any kids, you’re made to think your life is incomplete. If you have one kid, you’re encouraged to give them a sibling or they’ll be lonely. It feels like it’s never enough. But I’m done allowing myself to feel that way. It ends now.

These days, I keep reminding myself that I have just as much of a right to vent as parents of multiple kids. It's not a competition, and parental stress is valid regardless of how many kids you have. Full stop.

That’s not to say that I don’t appreciate the added struggles and responsibilities that come with having more than one child. Taking family trips, juggling sports schedules and school drop-offs, not to mention dealing with a revolving door of colds and other ailments, are challenging enough with one kid, let alone multiples. But you never know what someone might be going through that could make caring for one kid much harder than it looks.

One glaring example that comes to mind is the whole concept of having a “village” to lean on in times of need. Many parents with multiple kids might have grandparents or extended family nearby who can help at a moment’s notice, while some parents with one child might not have any loved ones nearby. Support (or lack thereof) can make a huge difference when it comes to caring for little ones. And, of course, you have no idea what each parent is going through emotionally, physically, or even financially, which can all contribute to a rise in stress levels, regardless of how many children you have.

But honestly, even if you do have a ton of family close by who are ready and willing to help, that shouldn’t automatically mean you need to have more kids. Parents of only children shouldn’t need to explain themselves to anyone or be made to feel like they are doing something wrong. Every family, both big and small, deserves to take up space in the world.

Being a parent can be the most rewarding thing in the world. But it’s also a full-time job with zero breaks and very little appreciation given in return. Every mom and dad is a superhero in their own way and deserves the right to complain or feel all the feelings. I don’t want to take any credit away from parents with multiple children. I simply want to feel like my own struggles and grievances deserve a seat at the table too.

Kelly Schremph is an entertainment and lifestyle writer with bylines at Us Weekly, Refinery29, Bustle, Romper, Scary Mommy, and more. She lives in California with her husband, their son, Chris, and their yellow lab, Luna, who still acts very much like a puppy. When Kelly isn’t watching TV (or writing about it), she’s usually chasing after one of them.