My Husband and I Are Fighting About Circumcision. Is There a Right Answer?

There are a lot of conversations about how to raise your kid that you and your partner should have well before the process even occurs. How many kids do you want? Will you raise them with any religion? What kind of parent do you want to be? How will we navigate X, Y, and Z topics?

After years of parenting our daughter, I actually have felt pretty proud of how my husband and I have navigated some typical topics and conversations. Sure, some answers have changed (after one child, our original dream of having three kids quickly evolved to two), but in general, we’ve stayed on the same page about how we want to raise our kids and the way to do so.

There was one topic we never broached, though, and it hit us pretty head-on as soon as we found out we were having a second child. Upon hearing we were having a boy, we came across a surprising topic of disagreement: circumcision.

Circumcision: What It Is, & Where We Disagree

So, for a quick overview. The Mayo Clinic defines circumcision as "the surgical removal of the foreskin, the loose skin covering the head of the penis." There are numerous reasons it's performed: religious, cultural, personal preference, or medical necessity. For example, many Jewish and Islamic communities practice circumcision as a religious ritual, and overall, it's a more common practice in countries like the United States than in many European countries.

While the procedure can be done later in life, it's more commonly done on newborns, as there are more risks and a longer recovery when done later in life.

For me, there are no religious reasons for wanting to circumcise our son. Living in the U.S., it's simply a procedure I've found to be more culturally common, and I fear that not having it done could be something our son resents us for later down the line. For my husband, he thinks it's something that should be our son's choice, that can be done later down the line if he wants. While I don't disagree with the choice in the matter, as I believe in bodily autonomy, my concern is the risks and recovery associated with having it done later.

Benefits vs. Risks to Newborns

To learn more about the pros and cons of circumcision as a newborn, I spoke with Dr. Karen Ann Klawitter, a board-certified pediatrician.

"Circumcisions can, in fact, be done at any age, she explained. "Traditionally, they are done shortly after birth, within a few days, but in some cultures, the ceremonial circumcision is done on a specific date (i.e., for Jewish babies, a bris is done on the eighth day of life). Circumcisions are generally considered safest and simple[st] in the newborn period, with few risks and complications."

As for why this is the simplest time, Klawitter explained that it's due to newborns having a higher pain tolerance than older children, with a procedure that often requires minimal or no anesthesia, and involving a faster recovery time. "In older children, the procedure requires hospital admission for general anesthesia, and requires prescription pain meds for comfort post op," she shared.

Klawitter noted that some studies suggest circumcision at an early age is beneficial in decreasing the risk of infections. "There is also a condition called phimosis, which is when the foreskin is tight and difficult to retract in uncircumcised children — this, too, can lead to infection and increased risk of penile cancer."

But Klawitter also explained that, for some babies, circumcision in the newborn period is not an option. As for things to consider when weighing both benefits and risks, she said, "Some things to consider with regard to not having it done: religious, cultural and personal reasons, medical reasons like hypospadius, prematurity, or bleeding disorders, and finally fear of potential complications (infection, bleeding or scarring)."

The American Academy of Pediatrics’ Opinion

On the topic of circumcision, the American Academy of Pediatrics states that they "believe that circumcision has potential medical benefits and advantages, as well as risks."

According to the AAP, "Current evidence suggests that the health benefits of newborn male circumcision outweigh the risks and that the procedure's benefits justify access to this procedure for families who choose it. However, existing scientific evidence is not sufficient to recommend routine circumcision."

They state that the decision is not essential to a child's current well-being, so ultimately it is a decision best made by parents in consultation with their pediatrician. "Their decision should take into account what is in the best interests of the child, including medical, religious, cultural, and ethnic traditions."

Why There Isn’t Really a Right or Wrong Answer

The truth is that, a few months out, my husband and I still haven’t come up with an answer. While I think his preference not to circumcise right away may be the safer option (because we won’t be performing a procedure that cannot be undone), reading about the risks and pain of the surgery later on makes me worry it’s the wrong decision. I also worry that my preference for circumcision may be influenced by aesthetics and wanting our kid to not worry about standing out from others, which I don’t want to be my issue that I’m putting on him.

Ultimately, it’s a discussion I want to continue having with our pediatrician and obstetrician to help us decide our best course of action. While we may disagree, I don’t think either of us is wrong — both of us are standing by our opinion of what we believe is best for him. While I don’t know yet where we’ll land, I know that the decision we do make will come down to what we as parents can decide as a pair is best for our son, and the advice of medical professionals.