Bring Back The Holiday Turtlenecks

Nothing feels warmer to me than a ‘90s Christmas. And I’m not good at psychoanalyzing, but even I know it’s because that’s the Christmas era of my childhood, and there was nothing more lovely than my mom decorating the Christmas tree, baking us cookies, and tucking us into bed at night with the Sears Wish Book tucked under our pillows.

But that time also brought some specific fashion choices, and I know it’s why I’m so obsessed with all the kitschy Christmas accessories. Christmas vests, gaudy Christmas earrings, wreath pins, I want it all. Some of it has made a bit of a comeback thanks to Ugly Christmas Sweater parties and tacky as a vibe, but one ‘90s festive fashion icon is unfortunately missing — it’s time to bring back the holiday turtleneck.

You know in Christmas with the Kranks, when Jamie Lee Curtis’ character finds out her daughter is coming home early from the Peace Corps to celebrate Christmas with her family? Instead of telling her daughter they’ve actually booked a cruise, she jumps right into formation — insisting on all the Christmas decor they always have out, wanting to rush straight out to the grocery store to pick up a Hickory Honey Smoked Ham (“Blair’s favorite!” she shouts), even sending her husband out last minute to get the items for a caramel cream pie (also Blair’s favorite).

But before she can do any of that, she needs her vest and turtleneck combo. She needs to feel all the festive things. She needs to get herself ready to be the best darn Christmas mom she can be.

It’s a seasonal look found in nearly all of your favorite ‘90s sitcom Christmas episodes — Full House, Step by Step, Home Improvement — and I’m sure that’s a huge reason why I find them to be so nostalgic and lovely. There’s just something about a mom preparing to give her kids the happiest Christmas ever that demands a seasonal turtleneck. Why aren’t we all putting one on and harnessing that same energy through all of December?

There are tons of great Christmas looks available. I know a turtleneck seems dated. I know you already have cute sweaters and cardigans and viral bow shoes. But look — Christmas takes a lot of WORK. And that work comes from moms. So wearing a fancy Christmas dress or a sweater with sleeves that keep falling down as you hang ornaments and roll out sugar cookie dough? It’s not happening. But that’s another thing the ‘90s moms got right — they were cute and practical. They aren’t curating perfect little Christmas moments for their TikTok POV videos. They aren’t doing GRWM “for my kid’s Christmas pageant” outfits. They don’t have an LTK page full of fancy Christmas looks you’ll wear for two hours at a company party and then never again.

They have their turtleneck. And if we had them, too, I think we’d do a lot less complaining about school spirit days and Christmas chorus concerts and making sure to send three dozen cookies for the class parties. We’d be prepared.

Added bonus? The compressive nature of a turtleneck also means you can wear it under a baggier sweater or a vest. It keeps you warm without overheating you. It has just enough of a festive touch to put you in the Christmas spirit.

And it just really, truly makes you feel like the ultimate ‘90s holiday mom. And in a world where we are all constantly looking for a dopamine hit in the form of cozy nostalgia — and looking for a way to make motherhood what we always imagined it to be — isn’t that kind of the ultimate win?

Holiday brooches, fun earrings, and those cute sequin Santa hats? All great options. But nothing makes me want to bake cookies with my kids and watch the 1999 Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas classic like a holiday turtleneck. You can dress them up, dress them down, wear them with leggings or jeans or a skirt. When people see you in them, they’ll think, “Now there’s a woman who I bet has her own favorite sugar cookie recipe written on a card somewhere. That woman has a splattered Christmas cookbook from 1992 that she still uses. That woman? She’s Christmas coziness personified.”

And you didn’t even get it from an Instagram influencer swipe-up link.