What Does It Mean If You Dream About Your Partner Cheating On You?

It happens maybe once or twice a year — I wake up from a bad dream, completely furious at my husband. Bless him, it doesn’t take long for him to catch up with what’s happening. “Did I cheat on you in a dream again?” he’ll ask as I give him a side-eye over coffee. He reassures me it would never happen and, hand-to-heart, I do know that. But having dreams of being cheated on can really make you feel icky when you wake up. You feel insecure, you feel sad, you feel angry — and it’s all in your head. Right?

Right. Dreams are weird. And while I like to imagine there is a whole production company in my head a la Inside Out helping me figure things out, sometimes your subconscious is just taking the wheel with no real motivation. Although some may believe that their dreams are premonitions or have some other connection to their world, that doesn’t mean dreaming about being cheated on is a sign it’s going to happen.

But dreams do come from your brain — and any memories you have of being cheated on, any fears about cheating wedged in there, and/or any feelings of inadequacy or insecurity can absolutely pop up as a dream about being cheated on. A 2020 article in eLife titled “How the brain constructs dreams” stated that dreams are “rarely a faithful replication of any one memory” but instead are created by “fragments of various recent experiences intermingle with other memories (usually related remote and semantic memories) to create a novel dream.”

The “recent experiences” part may also help explain why you feel like you’re dreaming about your partner cheating on you while you’re also having a rough patch. Tiana Hernandez, a family counselor, tells Scary Mommy that having dreams of being cheated on doesn’t necessarily mean you and your partner are in a bad place, but it could mean you’re feeling disconnected from them or even craving some intimacy. “I hear about this a lot from couples. If you’re dreaming about your partner cheating on you, it could mean absolutely nothing. But it could also mean there’s a layer of you that’s feeling maybe unappreciated or lost from your relationship. It could be really subtle. I recommend anyone having a dream like that just make an effort for some quality time to make up for it. No matter what, it’s good for you.”

Dreams of being cheated on could also represent general anxiety or insecurity, Hernandez says. “It’s like having a dream that you failed high school. It obviously didn’t happen and there’s no chance of it happening, but it could just be your brain’s way of tapping into some feelings of insecurity or worry you’re having lately,” she says.

And if the dreams you’re having of your partner cheating on you are super frequent and/or specific, it’s worth talking to your partner and figuring out where it’s coming from. “It really could just be an overactive imagination,” Hernandez says. “But if you’re having these kinds of dreams often or if they’re featuring maybe someone in your friend group you’ve always felt threatened by or someone your partner knows, take a deep breath. You obviously have some insecurities and fears to work through, and talking to your partner should be your very first step.”

Or, you know — you can just glare at them all morning until they apologize for fake-cheating on you.