A Woman Ejected Friend & Her Crying Baby From Party — Was She In The Wrong?
“At first, I thought it was just a momentary thing, but the crying continued for almost an hour.”
Many people will experience the awkward reality of having a “mixed-parent” friend group. Some of you have kids, some of you don’t, and the vibes for social events can get confusing. This is something that was recently faced by Reddit user Quiet_Mulberry5400 (we’ll call her Mulberry from here on out), prompting her to turn to the site’s popular “Am I The Assh*le” forum to ask “AITA for asking my friend to leave my birthday party because she brought her crying baby?”
Newly 27, Mulberry threw herself a birthday party at her apartment. “It was a pretty low-key gathering with about 10 friends, lots of snacks, a couple of drinks, and just a fun night hanging out,” she explains. “Everything was going fine until my friend, Sarah (28F), showed up with her 7-month-old baby.”
“Now, I love Sarah, and I know she’s a mom, but I wasn’t expecting her to bring the baby to a party, especially since we had planned to play games, drink, and chat,” she continues.
Of course, as anyone who has an infant (or has been around one) can probably tell you, unexplained crying/screaming jags are not uncommon. It didn’t take the baby very long to start crying. Despite Sarah’s best efforts, the little one wouldn’t be soothed.
“At first, I thought it was just a momentary thing, but the crying continued for almost an hour,” Mulberry continues. “Super loud and non-stop.”
Needless to say, the babies howling was a vibe killer. Mulberry says it was hard to hear anything else and that other guests were “visibly uncomfortable.”
“I eventually pulled Sarah aside and asked her if she could maybe step outside with the baby or take a break in the other room until the baby calmed down,” she said. “I explained that it was just hard to enjoy the party with the crying. She was clearly upset and told me that I ‘should be more understanding’ since she can’t just leave the baby at home, and she was doing her best to keep her calm.”
Sarah left shortly after the confrontation and, in the ensuing days, is not speaking to Mulberry.
“I feel bad because I know being a mom is hard, but I also feel like it was my birthday, and I wanted to have a good time without the crying baby.”
Her other friends are split on whether her actions at the party were rude or justified. So she turns it over to Reddit: “AITA?”
Commenters overwhelmingly agreed “Not The Assh*le” or NTA.
“Her child is not your responsibility,” reads the most upvoted comment. “And her inability to find child care so she can attend an adult function is not your problem to solve.”
“Mom of four here,” says another. “My husband and I started having children a bit earlier than some of our friends. We would still get invited to get togethers, but more often than not, we had to say no, simply because if we tried to bring our less than a year old baby to said events past a certain timeline, it would have been a disaster. Our friends were always very, very understanding when we said no, and never made us feel guilty. I strongly suspect their response would have been different if we showed up with a crying, inconsolable baby. NTA.”
“You didn't ask her to leave, you asked her to take her clearly over-stimulated infant to a quiet area to calm down,” another points out. “Sarah was the one who decided that meant she had to leave.”
But this stance was not unanimous.
“I really don't understand the answers here,” marvels one Redditor. “Sometimes moms need breaks. They need their village. Did no one offer to help? Just take your kid to another room or leave? What a horrible friend group! I guess I'm the only one, but yes, YTA. Your friends should be like family, their kids included.”
“I don’t think YTA but I feel some empathy is in order,” offers a somewhat more nuanced commenter. “It sounds like she is struggling to balance mom life and social life. ... I think you were totally justified in just wanting to enjoy your birthday and I’m sorry it was such an awkward moment for you.”
It is hard to balance your social life as a mom, especially when you’re the first among your friends to have a baby. Through nobody’s fault, you’re suddenly in two very different worlds. But part of being the one who decided to radically change their lives by having a baby is understanding that you signed up to change your life, not your friends’.
While society on the whole needs to be more compassionate of parents’ unique struggles, it’s unrealistic to assume every social event is going to be a good place to bring a baby: you might not get to do all the same things you did when you were childfree for a while. That doesn’t mean you don’t get to have fun anymore, but that fun is going to look more like a picnic in the park with the girls than a house party.
