Tara Clark Answers Your Burning Parenting Questions

Ask Scary Mommy is our weekly advice column wherein Scary Mommy editors and guest editors — fellow moms like you — will answer your burning questions. You can send all of your questions and conundrums about parenting, family, and relationships to askscarymommy@bdg.com (don’t worry — we’ll keep you anonymous!).

Tara Clark, also know as the very popular @modernmomprobs on Threads, serves up an amazing combination of humor and real parenting advice to her nearly one million followers. Even though she’s a very busy lady juggling everything from being an influencer to raising kids to hosting a podcast, she carved a bit of time out for Scary Mommy readers on Threads recently — all to help our readers with some of their most pressing parenting questions. Here’s a selection of the Q&A below.

Head here to read the full Q&A on Threads.

Question: My kid’s best friend is great, but he brings his iPhone to our house — my kid doesn’t have a phone yet. I feel like the phone is the center of attention instead of their friendship. They’re 12. How do I get the phone out of the picture? Should I get the parents involved?

Tara Clark: Are you in my house?!? 👀 The same thing has been happening with us. My son started to feel self-conscious that he wasn't good at making conversation because his friend keeps ignoring him for the phone. In this case, I did mention to my son's friend that maybe we should put our devices down and just hang out without them for a bit. Go play outside and get some fresh air. Sometimes it's hard to get the parents involved with the situation because everyone parents differently around screen time.

What’s the one thing you tell people when they ask for parenting advice?

One of the most important things we can do as parents is to empower our children. Foster their autonomy and independence. My favorite motto is to say "step out, so they could step in."

My four-year-old wants to wear a duck costume everywhere we go. On one hand, I want her to have more freedom of expression than I did when I was a kid. On the other hand… I admit I’m embarrassed and worried about what her pre-school teachers think. I want her to look cute and put together, not a very stained and beat-up duck.

Super relatable! To piggyback on my previous answer, focus on how this duck costume is empowering your child and how it's giving her confidence. Consider how she may look back years from now, and think "wow, how cool was my mom to let me wear my favorite ducky costume everywhere?!" Don't worry about what the random lady in the supermarket thinks about the costume. You don't care for her opinion anyway!

What do I do with my infant? I’m serious. I’m a new mom and I’m so bored. At the same time I worry that I’m enriching my baby enough already.

I highly recommend getting out of the house, when/if you can! Go for a walk around the block, or even drive to the mall and walk around. It will give the baby something different to look at (which is stimulating), and it will get you up and out. Also, try narrating everything to the baby as you're walking and talking. ("This is a tree. That is an iced coffee." 😂)

How should I be greeting kids? They don’t necessarily want to say hi, kiss or hug when they see/meet knew people. How handle interacting with them?

It's important to let children feel comfortable when meeting new people. It's part of body autonomy. In our house, my son prefers to give a high five or a fist bump. It took a little explaining to our older family members, but now when they come over rather than expecting a kiss they know to give a high five.

My 12-year-old sent a bullying text to a classmate. We’ve had some LONG talks about it, but I’m wondering about what other consequences I should consider— the screen has been taken away. But should I be doing more?

This one really resonates with me because I have a 12-year-old who was bullied in a group chat. You did exactly the right thing. You spoke with him. It sounds like you led with curiosity about his motives in sending the text and you took the screen away. It's important to continue the conversation to understand his "why" and hopefully to prevent it happening in the future. Good job! Pat yourself on the back!

Our kids want to do ALL THE THINGS — theater troupes, School of Rock, camps, etc — and we want them to be able to do those things. But they’re all also expensive 😩 How can we temper their expectations while still maximizing their experiences?

Excellent question! Many families (for both their pocketbook and time budget) have a system where their children only do one or two activities per semester. So if they don't have the opportunity to do something this time, then perhaps they could have the opportunity to do it in the future. It definitely starts with having a conversation with them so that they can understand and you can manage their expectations. No joke, these activities are expensive!! 🤯🤯🤯 💸💸💸💸

Help! Summer is rapidly approaching and idk wtf I’m going to do with my kid all summer! I only got her into a couple camps. 😩😩😩😩

Finding things to do over the summer can definitely be challenging. I have a couple questions for you. Do you have other children in the neighborhood that she could play with? Or are there friends in town that could do play dates/"backyard camp" on her off weeks?

A super casual backyard camp is a great idea for children who may not be at camp. Keep it casual with things like "painting" with water on the driveway, some arts and crafts from the dollar store, or just fun games like tag. It's healthy for kids to be bored and come up with their own ideas to keep themselves amused. Keep it light and fun! Good luck!

For more great parenting advice, follow @modernmomprobs on Threads.

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If it’s not obvious by the end of this article, we are not doctors or lawyers. Please don’t interpret any of the above information as legal or medical advice — go see the professionals for that!