Child-free Weddings Are Understandable, But Should Newborns Count?
A bride-to-be is being a stickler about a six-week-old guest.
Back when I got married *mumble mumble* years ago, I was adamant about a child-free wedding. Now there’s a lot I don’t understand about my past self when it comes to wedding planning, (Dear Past Jamie: were chair covers really something you should have been stressed about at any point in your literal entire life...?) but a child-free wedding? I still understand that, even if I might do it differently now. Some people are looking for a particular vibe that is antithetical to the presence of children running around.
But a recent post on Reddit’s r/AmITheAssh*le board found me probing the limits of when a childfree wedding is unreasonable.
“WIBTA [Would I Be The Assh*le] if I rescinded my offer to hire a babysitter for my child-free wedding?” the post reads.
The OP (original poster for those of you not chronically online) explains that they’re getting married in a few weeks and decided months ago that theirs would be a child-free wedding. “Shortly after making this decision, a bridesmaid and my sister announced they were pregnant,” they continued. “We made it clear at Christmas with the family, and went over it again at Easter, that we were still having a child-free wedding but we would offer to pay for a babysitter who would be about 5 minutes away from the venue.”
While the bridesmaid secured her own childcare for the day of the wedding, the sister was still hoping to bring her newborn. OP remained adamant, cutting off any debate, prompting the sister to say she wasn’t coming over a particularly tense Father’s Day. Since then, it’s been radio silence between the siblings. And that got OP thinking...
“I'm now considering rescinding my offer for a babysitter,” they said. “It will cost us easily $300 to rent the space and pay the sitter, and I would not be surprised if despite saying they will come and need the babysitter that they will cancel last minute. I also wouldn't be surprised if they didn't respect the no child rule and tried to sneak the baby into the reception. However, they do not have the money to pay for their own sitter, so by doing so, I will be essentially uninviting them from the wedding.”
In later edits to the post, she highlights that the babies will be 6 and 8 weeks old at the time of the wedding.
*deep, world-weary inhale*
Look. As a mom, I recognize that a lot of child-free people don’t really understand the level to which it’s practically and emotionally very difficult to be apart from a six-week old for any length of time. But as someone who had a child-free wedding at 24 years old— before my brain had fully developed! — even I could basically understand that infants that young can’t just be casually dropped off with a babysitter. Daycares only just start allowing babies that young in their doors. Lump in potential breastfeeding and the fact that moms are still recovering from childbirth and that’s all the more reason they should be exceptions to the “no children” rule.
I wanted a childfree wedding, but I told a friend who had a three month old that, obviously she should come along. Because you don’t tell brand new parents to ditch their kid for a social event.
And, really, the only reason the couple would have an issue with infants at the wedding is the possibility of crying. It is not a big deal to ask the new parents “Hey, could you sit in the back of the venue and kindly pop out if the baby starts getting fussy?” Chances are they are just as worried about that as you and will already be planning to position themselves as close to an exit as possible.
Other than that... What is a baby that young going to detract from your special day? Toddlers and up I understand: they run around, they can be ill-behaved, and you have to pay for a seat and a meal they may well end up throwing on the floor. But newborns? They’re basically accessories at that point in their development. They don’t need a seat, don’t need a meal, and won’t make any embarrassing speeches after overindulging at the open bar. From birth until about 4 months, they’re essentially living tamagotchis. Very loud, expensive, occasionally stinky, high-stakes tamagotchis.
Despite many commenters pointing this out, OP remained firm in their commitment to a child-free wedding with “no exceptions for newborns.”
Should they go on to have kids, my prediction and hope is that they look back on this stance and cringe a little... and maybe apologize to their sister.
