Viral Video About Dads Who "Just Show Up" Without Helping Is Enraging Moms
"Some days I wonder how he would survive without me," the mom blogger wrote.
One of the most infuriating things a partner can say to their wife is, “But you didn’t tell me to do it!”
There’s just so much to unpack there — why is mom usually the one in charge of delegating tasks? Why are they the default managers of the household? And why can’t dads take some initiative and figure out what needs to get done in the family sphere?
All of this was caught perfectly by accident on video recently. Mom Blogger Samantha Sherman (@Mommy.Realist) was filming herself doing a project when her husband entered the room to ask about the plans for the day.
And things did not go well for him.
“What are we doing today?” he asks — and you can immediately see that Sherman knows where this is going next.
“Their parade,” she says, exasperated.
The husband then asks if they need help getting dressed — only to find out that the kids are already in their outfits.
“I got them dressed this morning — you didn’t hear me screaming at them?”
“I didn’t hear anything,” he mumbles.
He then asks several more questions about what they need for the event today — does he need to help tape it? Does he need to pack food?
But it turns out that everything is already done and everyone is ready to go.
“So, nothing,” he says. “I just have to show up.”
It’s that last line that sent Sherman (and many of her viewers) over the edge.
It’s too common: even the men who want to help the family and pitch in seem very bad at understanding what needs to be done and the timeline in which it needs to happen.
In the comments, women related and raged.
“I’m now mad at my husband,” reads the most popular comment.
“I didn’t hear anything is SENDING ME,” said another.
“Absolutely no one can convince me I’m missing out on marriage,” said a third.
Some went a little more in-depth.
“Not someone saying ‘give him a task,’” another wrote. “Who gives her a task? Who organizes her responsibilities? Who tells her what to prepare or when to get the kids ready or what to feed them or where the pants are? TAKE THE INITIATIVE LIKE AN ADULT. The bar really is in hell.”
“My favorite thing they do is ask 30 minutes before the event if we need to bring anything,” another added.
“Why is it always ‘what do we need to do…?’ 😂😂😂😂 I need you to stop trying to use my brain while I’m using it! Use yours,” another exclaimed, really summing up the mental load.
Of course, there were, unfortunately, some men in the comments, too, and some of them got defensive.
“You’d be less mad if you just gave him a task to do bc clearly he is looking for a task to do and trying to be somewhat helpful,” one man wrote. “You need to communicate better this is why you feel miserable bc you tryna be oh poor me doing everything but you won’t give clear and real instruction on something for him to do to help you?”
And a few women defended the “just show up” husbands of the world.
“The man came in and the woman was already being kind of dismissive and snippy when he’s asking questions about what needs to be done,” one woman wrote.
“I used to do this to my husband and tell him I didn’t need help (when I clearly did) then get mad at him for not seeing that me saying I didn’t need help meant I clearly needed help but didn’t want to ask. He told me he wanted to help but genuinely didn’t know my to-do list and it was helpful to him if I told him what I was planning on doing that day so he could pick up the slack. My husband is forgetful but really does try to help. Being angry instead of being communicative helps nothing.”
Maybe, though, men aren’t forgetful or useless. Maybe they could make an effort to know what’s happening in the household and take an equal share of the work.
