How To Do A Digital Detox As A Family

It doesn’t sound like it should be that hard, does it? You want your family to spend less time on screens — phones, computers, tablets — so you simply tell everyone, “Hey, we’re going to start going a little more screen-free.” Everyone rejoices. A rousing game of charades begins. There is hot chocolate and snacks. Everyone tells you you’re the best mom ever.

Clearly, this is the fantasy I have in my own head.

We all know it’s not that simple. There are books teaching you how to stay off screens, there are hacks and tips on keeping yourself busy with “analog” activities, there are apps that literally shut down everything on your phone but the ability to make calls — and still, we all manage to find our way back onto screens. When it comes to getting your entire family on board, it’s even trickier.

I think all of us wish our family spent more time off screens. We wish our kids would play with the toys cluttering the house and that they would run around outside together. We wish we didn’t turn to screens as a way to keep our kids occupied, and we wish we had the energy to tackle our to-do lists instead of feeling overwhelmed and doomscrolling.

We need a digital detox.

Why is it so hard to put our devices away?

I know, it sounds intense. Digital detox retreats and camps are a (very expensive) thing. But it’s possible to have one at home — and it may be just what your family needs for a little reset. “A digital detox is much more than simply setting a phone aside because our devices are, in large part, designed to be addictive,” Dr. Scott Kollins, psychologist and Chief Medical Officer at Aura, tells Scary Mommy. “Every message, like, or new piece of content serves as a reinforcer — making it more likely that the behavior that led to the outcome will be repeated. Over time, these micro-rewards train us to seek that instant gratification repeatedly, creating a habitual loop that is hard to break.”

This screen addiction that affects all of us goes beyond wanting something to do with our hands — it can affect our moods, too. Kollins says “digital stress” is absolutely an issue, thanks to the constant connectivity we receive from our devices. “Kids experience pressure to keep up with social interactions, manage online drama, and stay engaged with content, which can affect mood, focus, and overall well-being. Even brief moments of boredom or downtime can trigger a reflexive urge to check our devices, which is why a detox feels challenging; it’s not just a behavioral habit, it’s a neurological one.”

Kollins explains that our brains have been conditioned to expect constant stimulation, and stepping away from that will obviously trigger cravings, which is why it’s so hard to just put your phone away and say, “OK, I’m done with that now.”

I recently looked at my screen-time report on my own phone and was shocked to see the amount of “pick-ups.” Some of them were happening while I was cooking dinner, which means I was just touching my phone every time I wasn’t stirring or chopping. Yikes.

So creating a digital detox camp in your own home — especially during the holidays, when it seems like all of us are on our screens a lot more — is really going to take some work. I don’t think the actual “camp” part of it is hard, but deciding that your family is going to go through a digital detox — and that you’ll hear your kids whine and grumble about (and maybe you’ll even feel a little annoyed by the idea) — is tough.

How to Digitally Detox as a Family

You can start small. “Digital detox works best when it is a family effort. Children are much more likely to follow screen-free habits when they see their parents actively participating,” Kollins says. “Collaborative offline activities, like cooking or sharing a meal together, doing a craft, or going for a walk, not only help kids build healthy habits, but also allow adults to experience the benefits of reduced stress– improved focus, and stronger family connections.”

Then you can start making some rules and guidelines for your digital detox. Kollins suggests creating a “designated ‘phone dock’ in your home” as a specific spot where everyone leaves their devices during certain times of day. You can also create device-free rooms, like the bedroom or dining room, where your family isn’t allowed to have their device once they’re in there. This can help with habits like scrolling before bed or watching a device while eating.

Kollins also recommends scheduling “short, intentional breaks from screens” and filling that time with a small, rewarding activity. Remember, this is a detox. So it’s not as simple as saying “from 3 to 5, no screens” and expecting your family to rejoice and run off to do something. Your entire family’s brains have been conditioned to get that instant gratification, and feeling bored and restless doesn’t always bode well. So pick something like reading, taking a walk, or a creative project, Kollins says, to fill the time. (This also helps hold parents accountable for their own scheduled break so you can all do something together.)

“The goal is to make these habits easy to maintain and a natural part of your day, even during the busy holiday season, so that screen-free time feels enjoyable rather than like a chore and becomes part of your family traditions,” Kollins says.

Being intentional is truly the game here. Kollins says research has even found that the “mere presence of a smartphone, even turned off and placed face-down, draws on our limited cognitive resources.” Our brains have been conditioned now to constantly monitor any notification or update popping up, and that kind of brain processing affects your ability to mentally handle whatever it is you’re doing.

And yes, if you’re also seeing the light like I am, this could explain why we all feel so frazzled and overwhelmed when trying to do a task with our phone in hand.

“Even with the best intentions, our focus gradually shifts away from the experience we are having and toward the device nearby,” Kollins says. “Smartphones are designed to capture and hold our attention in ways that operate below conscious awareness. Understanding this can help families approach digital detoxing with empathy and adopt strategies that target attention and habit, not just willpower.”

So don’t feel frustrated that your kids would rather pick up their tablet than play Barbies, or that you haven’t read a book in weeks because you’re scrolling instead. By detoxing (and replacing screen time with meaningful alternatives), Kollins says you can feel the same mental rewards “without triggering the same addictive loops as phones.” Basically, we all need to retrain our brains to find satisfaction in the real world again... and yes, that’s going to require some work.

There’s nothing wrong with you, your kids, or your family. Blame it on the phones, and then put them all upstairs for an hour and go on a walk. Maybe there will be protests. Maybe your kids won’t like it. Maybe the idea of an hour without your phone makes you feel itchy. But the walk will help — and that kind of satisfaction can snowball into more brain rewards that have zero to do with your devices.