A Mom Suggests One Big Reason Some People Have Trouble Parenting Their Teens

As a mom to a tween and a teen, I feel qualified to share my opinion that overall, raising kids this age isn’t as difficult as juggling toddlers. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. There are unique challenges that come along with raising a young adult. Like, I’m currently struggling with balancing how much privacy I give them versus how much supervision (digital and otherwise) they need. This was nowhere on my radar when they were little and I was still wiping their butts several times a day.

And, understandably, some people really struggle with figuring out how to parent teens. TikTok creator A. Michelle (@pinkyup_fitness), a personal trainer and mom to three teens, has a theory. It’s a little harsh, but it bears considering.

“You want to know why a lot of parents find parenting to be very difficult and they get this huge disconnect from their kids from about the age of 11 and sometimes up until 25? Sometimes for forever? It’s because they’re trying to parent a person they do not know,” she begins.

“You don’t know this person and you haven’t taken the time, nor thought it important enough, to actually get to know them as a person. And I’m not always meaning, like, psychologically. I mean them as a person. What are their friends’ names? What are some of their friends’ hobbies? Could you go to any fast food chain and get your kid's favorite meal down to the drink and the sauce that they might want? Could you go into the mall and get them a full outfit — shirt, bottom, sneakers, socks, underwear? Could you actually do this and be at least 90% sure they’d wear it? Do they like Starbucks? Do you know their first, second, and third choice? Drink and food? Do you know any of these? Do you even know who this person is?”

Many commenters saw themselves in this scenario, either as misunderstood teens or parents striving to really know who their kids are.

“[Here] come the parents who like to say ‘we’re not one of their little friends,’” one commenter muses sarcastically.

“Facts! Just sit down and get to know the kids. That’s all young me wanted,” says another.

“So many parents absolutely do not see their kids as human beings with minds of their own and it is concerning,” observes a third. “Talk with your kids! Car rides are great for conversation. Use the time you have!”

Look. This isn’t all on parents. During the teen years, our kids are becoming more interested in friends and less interested in us. Sometimes they’re actively trying to keep things from us, not because they’re up to mischief or because they don’t love us. But they want a life that’s separate from their family. It’s totally normal! But that does mean that parents need to make more effort to find out what’s making them tick these days.