This Mom’s Teen Has An Expensive “Hobby” — & Now Wants To Add Another
Between the cost, the commute, and the time commitment, Mom is already stretched thin. What would you do?
In a world that’s seeking more and more “analog” activities, when your teenager says they want to do something that doesn’t require a screen, you probably jump at the chance to sign them up. Soccer, dance, pottery — who cares? Where’s the link and what time do you need to be there? When your kid finds a thing they love, you’ll do almost anything to keep them invested in it.
But what if that thing they love is expensive and a drain on you and your resources? What if your kid loves it, but it’s not going to earn them a scholarship and they’re not super competitive about it? And what if they want to keep this hobby... but also start another expensive one?
Cue the hives.
One parent took to Reddit to ask about this exact scenario. In the/parenting subreddit, the original poster (OP) shared that their eldest daughter is a high school freshman who’s been figure skating for six years. While there is a rink and private coaches near their home, they found a better fit at a rink with a private coach half an hour away. She skates two or three times a week, an hour before school. (I am tired just reading this.)
“I have two other kids and my husband and I both work,” OP explained. “Waking up at 5 to get things ready, to get on the road by 6:30 am, get to the rink by 7, leave at 7:45, to drop her at school by 8:30 and then into my office, I feel like I’ve lived a full day by the time I even show up to work. And between the cost of ice and coaches, it is hundreds of dollars each month.”
OP shared that while her kid loves skating, she’s “not on track to be competitive by any means” and that her daughter even acknowledges that this expensive, time-consuming hobby is just for exercise and fun. It’s not important enough to include on a college application, and OP says her daughter doesn’t put in enough effort to make progress or become competitive with it.
She literally just likes it and wants to keep doing it.
“But, she also loves theatre and is a straight-A student. She wants voice lessons to improve the roles she’s getting in school musicals. I feel emotionally and financially drained by her skating. I have suggested she give it up for now and do it again someday. She starts crying and refuses. I am to the point where I have refused to fund her a vocal coach unless she pauses skating,” OP wrote, then opened it up to the internet for advice.
Phew.
Your kid wants a new hobby? Great! Your kid wants a new, expensive hobby when they already have one that’s a major time-suck? Eek. The thing is, nobody wants to tell their kid they can’t keep doing something they love, and obviously everyone is allowed to have a hobby they enjoy, even if it doesn’t help them “progress” academically or financially. A hobby like ice skating is a great way to stay active, and it can still give OP’s daughter a lot of confidence and a lot of joy, and those things are worth their weight in gold.
But.
But, but, but.
It’s not just an expensive hobby when it comes to money — this is time-expensive. And sometimes that’s more alarming than the money flying out of your account.
“To me, it sounds crazy to do that commute and spend so much money on something that is mostly a hobby for her. Of course hobbies are important, but this sounds like it would be a huge sacrifice for the entire family,” one commenter wrote.
“A hobby is something that people do in their spare time. In no way would getting up at 5 a.m. for someone else’s hobby ever happen for me,” another parent shared.
Many parents suggested that if OP’s daughter wants to try voice lessons, then she has to realize that ice skating may have to change — maybe weekend and evening skating could be an option — and several parents suggested OP’s daughter start earning the money to cover her lessons.
A lot of the Reddit comments were also quick to say that asking anyone to “give it up” about a hobby they love is going to be scary.
“It’s perfectly fine to do a sport with the goal not to compete and be on a college application, but merely for the love of it. Girls often drop out of sports the age your daughter is at, so it is amazing she has found one she loves. You don’t know what opportunities it can lead to,” one commenter wrote, suggesting that her daughter find ways to fundraise for the cost each month or find other skaters to carpool to and from the rink with.
And my personal favorite piece of advice?
“This is really tough because it’s not that she’s being unreasonable and it’s not that you are either, it’s more that the current setup just isn’t sustainable for your family,” a commenter added. “I think the shift that helps most in situations like this is framing it less as ‘you have to quit skating’ and more as ‘we only have the time, money, and energy for one major commitment right now,’ so something has to be paused. If you make it a clear family capacity issue instead of a punishment, it lands differently for a teen.”
Because let’s be honest: If you can find a way to provide for your kid exactly what they want, you’d do it over and over again. But we all have limits and breaking points, and when other kiddos are involved and a whole family dynamic to consider, it’s time to have a talk.
