New Study Suggests Teens May Feel Less Support Than Parents Think We Give Them

Ask any parent of a child between the ages of 13 and 19 — very often, teenagers are inscrutable.

From their muttered one-word answers (“What did you do in school today?” “Stuff.”) to moods that turn on a dime, they can be challenging to understand sometimes, but we do our best. Unfortunately, it may not be enough.

A new study from the National Center for Health Statistics (NHS) has found that when it comes to teens feeling emotionally supported, parents vastly overestimate how supported their teens actually feel.

Approximately 1,200 teens between the ages of 12 and 17, across geographic, ethnic, and socioeconomic demographics, were polled between 2021 and 2022. Fortunately, it’s not all bad news. A comfortable majority of children asked — 58.5% — said they “always” (27.5%) or “usually” (31%, a plurality) received the social and emotional support they needed.

But the bad news is that a sizable 41.5% felt inconsistently supported with 21.7% saying they “sometimes” felt supported, 12.5% “rarely” supported, and 7.4% “never” supported.

Researchers found little variation in these responses across locations (both regionally and whether kids lived in cities, suburbs, or rural areas).

However, there were considerable differences across other demographics, including gender (boys were more likely to feel supported than girls), age (12- to 14-year-olds felt more supported than 15- to 17-year-olds), race and ethnicity (Black and Hispanic kids were less likely to feel supported than their white and Asian peers), and gender identity and sexual orientation (cisgender, straight kids felt more support than LGBTQ+ kids).

Unsurprisingly, perhaps, socioeconomic status — measured by parents’ level of education and family income — also affected teens’ perceptions of support. Children from more affluent families with higher levels of education felt more supported than those less privileged.

But perhaps the most striking aspect of this study is the difference between parent and child answers.

Parents were more likely to say that their teenager always received the social and emotional support they needed — a staggering 76.9% compared with 27.5% reported by their teens.

Just 16.2% answered “usually” (compared with 31.0%), 4% said “sometimes” (compared with 21.6%), 0.9% “rarely” (compared with 12.5%), and 2% said “never (compared with 7.4%).

The researchers do acknowledge that methodology might account for some of the discrepancies they observed. Parents were interviewed by another person whereas teens simply filled out a survey, which they suggest might prompt exaggeration in parents and increased honesty in teens.

Nevertheless, the scale of this “perception gap” is troubling.

A teenager’s perception of emotional support has broader consequences beyond hurt feelings or a damaged relationship with moms and dads. Teenagers who always or usually received support were less likely to be in poor or fair health (4.8% compared with 13.8%), experience anxiety (12.9% compared with 33.1%) and depression symptoms (8.0% compared with 31.1%), have very low life satisfaction (1.0% compared with 13.9%), and have poor sleep quality (36.9% compared with 67.1%) compared with teenagers who did not always or usually receive support.

A teenager’s perception of emotional support has broader consequences beyond hurt feelings. Parents were more likely to say that their teenager always received the social and emotional support they needed (76.9% compared with 27.5%), and less likely to say their teenager usually (16.2% compared with 31.0%), sometimes (4.0% compared with 21.6%), rarely (0.9% compared with 12.5%), or never (2.0% compared with 7.4%) received the social and emotional support they needed.

All is not lost, however.

Critically, the study did not define “social-emotional support” for participants, leading parents and teens to interpret the question based on their own perceptions.

Speaking with CNN on the results of the study, Dr. Lisa Damour, a psychologist who was not involved in the new study but has written extensively on raising teens, observes that what a parent sees as “helping” (usually advising to try to solve a problem) may not be what their teen is hoping for (listening and empathy).

“When teenagers come to adults with concerns, I think above everything else, what they’re looking for is for the adult to serve as a steady presence to maintain perspective about what’s happening and help the teenager gain a sense of perspective,” she told the outlet. “So when we go with our common instinct to offer advice or guidance or ask questions, I think sometimes that feels to teenagers like we are confirming that the problem is every bit as bad as it feels to them, and it doesn’t have the intended effect.”

Honestly, it does feel like we’re being constantly reminded that parenting never really gets easier, just more familiar. But talking to your teen about the kind of support they expect and need can go a long way toward helping bridge the current gap.