There’s A Big Difference Between Pregnancy Tired & New Mom Tired

If you’re pregnant or have ever been pregnant, you know there is a certain type of parent out there. The kind that seem to revel in nothing more than scaring you about parenthood.

They love pointing out all the things you don’t know about babies and child-rearing and seem to enjoy scaring you about diapers, what your body is going to be like after birth, and, of course, how little sleep you’re going to get over the next few years. “Sleep now!” they’ll say, “Because you won’t get to until they’re in kindergarten!”

But TikTok creator Mani (@maniandmalik) has some welcome advice for the moms-to-be out there who might be nervous.

In a video, Mani can be seen with her baby (we only see their itty bitty feet and legs).

“If you’re pregnant right now and tired — like, exhausted — but you’re worried about being even more tired when your baby gets here, because everyone’s telling you ‘Get used to it!: don’t listen to them,” she begins.

“I didn’t get any sleep last night. I’m tired, for sure, but it’s not the same as pregnancy tired. When you’re pregnancy tired, you can’t do anything. You have no control over your body; you can’t help but sleep. But when you’re newborn baby tired, you’re sleepy, but you’re up. You’re functionally sleepy. So it gets better! Don’t let them scare you.”

“So if you’re tired of being tired,” she concludes, “you’re still going to be tired, but you’re not going to be that tired.”

Everyone is different, but as a sample of one myself: I can absolutely confirm this is true. Moreover, I personally feel like I got better sleep once my babies were born than I did in pregnancy, when I was up constantly, either because I had to pee or because I was just that uncomfortable or unable to fall asleep.

And I’m not alone. Not only did the comments section offer up a number of moms who were in the same boat, but science can back up that the two kinds of exhaustion are different.

“People don’t understand,” says one commenter. “I’d do the newborn stage any day over the pregnancy tired.”

“Pregnancy tired is literal physical exhaustion combined with being so uncomfortable you can’t rest,” suggests another. “Newborn tired is sleep tired. HUGE difference.”

“Pregnancy tired and newborn tired is different, it’s physical and mental exhaustion,” offers another. “Newborn is just like," Oh, I’m tired but functional.”

And there were even more moms-to-be who were grateful for the reassurance.

When you have a newborn, you just aren’t getting the same amount of sleep that your body is used to/needs to reach peak performance. Moreover, the sleep you are getting is frequently interrupted, so your sleep cycles get somewhat out of whack. These are all external forces that are affecting you. Now, let’s be clear: this is the kind of external force that — when taken to extremes — can break Navy SEALS in training, so it’s not fun. It can be hellish and even dangerous. We’re not downplaying the struggle here. That said, most infants aren’t extreme in their sleeplessness.

With “pregnancy tired,” the forces making your eyes droopy and your body sluggish — hormones and physiological changes — are internal. You have absolutely no control over the situation at all. Try as we might, there’s no way for us to be able to ask our partner to take over the pregnancy for a few hours so you can grab a refreshing nap.

So if you’re going to have a baby and can’t imagine an exhaustion worse than you’re feeling now? Great news: there’s a very good chance you don’t have to. Now, does that mean you’re going to discover a whole new version of tiredness? Sadly, yes, but don’t panic: you can do this. You’ve very likely already done worse...