This Dad Wants To Take A Long Paternity Leave To Golf & Get Some “Me Time”

Adjusting to life with a new baby in the house — whether it’s your first or your fifth — always has some learning curve. It’s not just figuring out your new little human, it’s figuring out how this little human is going to affect all the relationships in your home, including with your partner.

Readjusting who does what to make the household run when there’s a new baby in the mix can be difficult... but boy oh boy, do some people start this out on the wrong damn foot!

One mom on Reddit’s popular r/Parenting subreddit wonders if she was in the wrong for telling her husband he is being selfish for telling after saying he is going to be golfing all the time because he needs the paternity leave to give himself a reset?

Yes, it’s as bad as it sounds!

Reddit user u/rosegoldeverything (we’ll call her Rose from here on out) is pregnant with her second child. She and her husband both work full time and are already raising a 4-year-old boy.

“I take work off if he has things, is sick, or the school is closed,” Rose says. “I have a limited time of PTO; he has unlimited.”

Already, we’re not off to a great start here. But she continues to explain that she and her husband have decided she would not return to work after the birth of their second. Between her company mandating that she return to the office and the cost of two children in daycare, it didn’t seem worth it for their family.

While her husband currently could take a very generous paternity leave, she explains, “6 months full paid IF he claims primary parent,” he only took two weeks after the birth of their first child. At that time, he also had undiagnosed sleep apnea.

“We had separate bedrooms for the first four months of our boy's life till he got a CPAP for snoring,” she continues. “So I did all of the nights by myself.”

OK. I mean, it was not great, but I could see how a pattern could develop with Rose taking the lion’s share of night wakings under these circumstances. But surely, this time around, her husband will do better, right? Right?!

“He tells me today that he is going to use [his generous paternity leave] to golf a lot to help give himself a reset,” she says. “I said ‘I don’t think you remember how hard having a newborn is ... that is super selfish and being a bad dad.’ He said I was being a real assh*le and stormed off because he needs that time to have a change in lifestyle. I’m trying to set an expectation that having a second kid IS the lifestyle change!”

See, told you it was bad. So, let’s take a moment to give some sarcastic little golf claps for the audacity of this man...

Moms and dads in the comments were equally horrified by this level of what can only be described as “clueless selfishness” (at best) or “callous disregard.”

“This man is already a father? Yet he doesn’t know what it’s like to be a parent to a newborn? Or a supportive partner?” marvels one commenter. Another offers a wry reply.

“He knows. He just also knows that he can dump all of the work on OP, just like he did last time.”

“Honestly I wouldn’t rush to quit your job,” suggests another. “Right now he’s showing you that you can’t rely on him. You don’t want to be in a position where you can’t leave if you find being a married single mom more trouble than it’s worth.”

So yes, it can be difficult to know exactly what having another baby is going to look like and how exactly one should step up and balance the parenting efforts with your partner... but it is very, very easy to see that whatever this guy is trying to pull ain’t it.