A Mom Wants To Know If A Toddler's Nap Schedule Is More Important Than Special Events

When I had kids, I tried pretty hard to stick to their regular nap schedule, because skipping sleep could cause days of chaos. But my mom would always argue that in the 80s, she would always just make naps work whenever and whenever it was convenient. Whether that’s really how she did things, or whether she is suffering from a big case of gramnesia, I’m not sure.

Still, when big family events took place, like my brother’s wedding, I chose nap disruption over missing the big day.

Where do you draw the line when it comes to prioritizing kid sleep schedules or prioritizing the family social calendar? One mom on Reddit’s parenting forum wants to know.

“A close family member basically said that she will likely not be able to go to my daughter’s baptism or reception because it’s happening during her toddler’s nap time,” she begins. “I said we can set up a quiet sleep space for her daughter in my daughter’s nursery during the reception but she said that her daughter will be bothered by the noise.”

The poster went on to say she totally understands because she’s had to make similar decisions.

“The funny thing is that a few months ago I was really worried about going to a major family event 2 hours away,” she continued. “I never said I wouldn’t go but I was definitely nervous. My daughter at the time was colicky and scream cried her eyes out in the car. This same family member sent me a long text saying that I just need to push myself and go and that my daughter won’t get used to the car if we don’t take her to far events. Lo and behold we ended up going.”

She then wondered if maybe the standards are a generational thing.

“I asked my mom what parents typically did in the 80s/90s and she said that we would either miss our naps or we would nap at the place of the event,” she said.

Ultimately, she thinks important events should trump naptime, even though being consistent is generally important.

“My daughter is 10 months and on two naps, and in general I do plan my day around her naps. But if it’s Christmas/ a funeral/ baptism etc. I’ve made exceptions,” she said. “She’s not a good sleeper and doesn’t nap well on the go but I’m willing to put up with one crappy day so we can continue to be involved in our family.”

Down in the comments, people had a range of opinions, and, as always, a lot of advice, too.

“I do not let naps or bedtime dictate special occasions,” reads the most popular post. “But some people do. I don’t think there’s really a right or wrong answer. An invitation is just that, not a summons.”

“Do you want a screaming toddler inside at the baptism, a screaming toddler with parents outside of the church/venue, or toddler and parent to not attend,” another asked. Good point!

“When we commit to skip a nap, we are committing to an absolutely miserable afternoon for me, my spouse and toddler,” another added. “Sometimes we’re up for it, sometimes we don’t have the bandwidth. If the event itself stretches into the afternoon it’s genuinely not worth us going because we’ll all be so miserable and not actually participating.”

“I think it also depends a lot on the child,” another added. “I wanted to be the chill mom who just goes with the flow, but I got a toddler that only reliably naps at home and even then it often is a fight. If she skips nap totally, it will make bedtime super hard as she is overtired, causes her to wake up at night, next day's nap is even worse and it takes multiple days to fix it. So, I rarely let her skip unless it's absolutely necessary.”

Another poster agreed that it depends on your individual kid.

“All kids have different temperaments,” they said. “2 out of 4 of my kids I would have put in a baby carrier and they would have been fine. They took naps on me and slept a good 2 hours. My youngest child was so temperamental that if she missed her nap it was HELL ON EARTH.”

Bottom line? The parents of the child in question probably know their child’s needs, and the needs of their family best. And... maybe they just don’t want to go to their cousin’s retirement party or whatever is on the table with a surly three year old in tow. Either way, it’s not our business to speculate or judge at the end of the day.