Parents Want To Know: What Do Couples Without Kids Fight About?

At this stage in my life, my friends are a healthy, near-even mix of parents (usually of young children) and child-free-by-choice married couple also known as DINKS (Dual Income; No Kids). While there’s often a stigma against married couples who choose not to have kids, I couldn’t be happier for my beloved DINK friends. They know what kind of life they want and they’re happily living it. They’re the best aunts and uncles to my kids and it’s very exciting to go out to dinner with people knowing we won’t have to talk about school district drama. But I do sometimes wonder about the ins and outs of their daily lives, and it turns out I’m not alone.

TikTok creator Jon (@jon.t86) recently posed a simple question:

“If you’re over 35 and you’re married and you don’t have kids, what do you guys fight about? Give me some spousal DINK drama: I want to hear about it.”

Friends, I truly did not know what to expect. And when I tell you the comments section was an absolute gift, I am not overstating it. The arguments broke down into four categories: pets, food, chores, and sleep.

Pets

Obviously, pets are the babies of the DINK world. And can you even imagine how happy you’d be as a childfree couple’s dog or cat? But, because pets are like lower maintenance children, that does mean they can be a source of arguments. Fortunately, those arguments are hilarious.

“Who loves the dog more,” shares one commenter. “Alternately, who the dog loves more.”

“He thinks I'm not strict enough with our dog,” says another. “He's wrong and the dog agrees.”

“We thought one of us was giving the cat too much food and making her fat,” offers a third, and, honestly, I would watch an episode of Dr. Phil where they hash that out.

Food

“He buys too many bananas and then promises that he’s gonna make banana bread, but he never does,” groused one DINK.

A bunch of these comments actually revolved around food going bad in some way and as the mom of two children, the idea of something languishing in the fridge before it was immediately devoured by rapidly growing teens is mind-boggling. But #DINKProblems don’t stop at food waste...

“When I want a sweet treat and he doesn’t want a sweet treat, but I don’t wanna have a sweet treat alone,” said another. (Incidentally I read this to my husband who said “Why do women do this?” at the same time I said “Why don’t men understand this?” so I don’t think this is DINK specific.)

“He once promised that he would give me the super spiced and chewy heart of every cinnamon roll he bought,” says a third. “Turns out that was a lie. I bring it up a lot.”

You should never let him forget that, ma’am, but also you should have gotten that in the pre-nup, so it’s a little on you.

Chores

Just because DINKs’ houses stay cleaner longer than parents’ houses, that doesn’t mean there’s no maintenance at all. And sometimes that’s a source of drama.

“He folds the towels wrong,” said one bluntly.

“We will have His and Hers dishwashers in our next house,” laments another. “Because it is obvious one of us grew up playing Tetris and the other did not.”

As someone who can’t help but load a dishwasher like a frantic raccoon, I feel personally attacked by this one.

Sleep

Yes, sleep: it’s something DINKS get way more of than parents, especially new parents, but that doesn’t mean their situation is dreamy.

“The fact that he falls asleep so easily and then snores,” says one. They go on to categorize snoring as “sleep bragging.”

“I like the thunderstorm sound on the white noise machine at night but she demands the lightly flowing river,” says another.

I don’t know how you bridge that gap. Maybe set it to Ocean Waves as a compromise?

“I want to sleep earlier than him,” complains a third. “Which means he needs to come to bed and scroll there instead of the couch otherwise I can’t sleep and he’s annoyed at this.”

Let him be annoyed: I fully support you in your need for a warm body next to you, friend.

Honorable Mention that has no category

This one is hands down my favorite, maybe because it lacks a category or any real relatability, but at the same time I feel this in my very bones.

“We both wore our crocs on the same day,” begins one poor soul. “Hers were new, and she said I was trying to outshine her on her ‘New Crocs Day.’”

How dare you, sir.

I guess it just goes to show that all couples have their arguments... but childfree people just might be funnier about theirs.