A Woman Who Is Childless By Choice Asked Parents Why They Had Children, And The Answers Are Fascinating

People without kids are often asked (sometimes by complete strangers) why thy don’t have children. It’s an answer that can be completely heartbreaking to answer for some and, at the very best, completely rude for others. After all, society isn’t constantly asking parents to explain to the world why they decided to have kids.

What would happen, though, if we did?

This week, a woman who is childless by choice asked parents on X to share why they made the choice to have kids — and she didn’t want the fluffy answers.

“Let’s flip the script today,” she begins. “Why did you have children? And don’t give me the ‘they’re a joy to have’ thing. Be fr. People tell me I’m selfish for not having children. So by all means, tell me why you *did* have children.”

She added, “I don’t care if people have kids or not, it’s not my business. But I get asked why I *dont* have kids all the time, I feel it’s fair to ask the people who *do* the same. It’s not that deep.”

In the comments, parents starting sharing their reasons, and many of them were fascinating.

“Pouring love into another human, without conditions, and feeling that love reflected back at you, is a wonderful thing,” one dad explained. “My parents were imperfect, but they poured love into me. There was never a moment that I did not feel their love. I guess I’m just paying it forward.”

“I had a difficult childhood and always craved a ‘normal’ family,” another wrote. “I wanted to be the mummy I needed as a kid.”

“[I] grew up thinking [I’]d never have kids, [I] cant explain exactly why but falling in love with my husband brought it out of me,” a mom wrote. “He made me feel so safe I started dreaming of things I never had truly wanted before. [M]othering turned out to be a perfect fit for me. [I’]ts not for everyone but thats what makes living life special is discovering what fits u best.”

“It was time,” another person explained. “Just like your first day at school, first prom, moving out, going to college. Having kids continues the cycle, and is the next major milestone. The path to fulfillment is through sacrifice and responsibility to others.”

“Kids are great,” another parent wrote simply. “They are interesting, like pets — though they learn much slower but then much better. They are good company at lots of different ages in different ways, and I’d say people in general have a desire to help / improve the lives of others, and there is no better way you can do that than for your own kid.”

“My parents gave me a great childhood, consequently I’m returning the favor giving my children the best childhoods I can give them, so that one day they grow up to become human beings that have a positive impact on society,” another dad wrote. “It’s my little grain of sand for a better future.”

“After my dad died, unexpectedly in my late 20s, all I could think about was all of the good traits and skills he had given me and I just had this insatiable drive to pass those on,” said a dad. “Like I felt I owed it to him to honor his love and efforts. I see him in my boy so much.”

“Because it was my dream ever since I was 3-4 years old,” another mom wrote. “I KNEW being a mom was my calling. I felt joy and excitement thinking about it, even as a little girl. Everything else seemed insignificant in comparison.”

“Honestly, when I imagined the end of my life with no kids or grandkids, that made me feel sad. I was really on the fence — could have gone either way,” a mom shared.

“Oh man there’s like 150000 reasons starting with biology,” one mom wrote. “[I] mean it’s really cool you can live life, create life that’s half you and half another human, continue to raise the life you created, teach them the best things in life and then some, share memories, building bonds.”

“I wanted a little family to call my own,” shared another.

“Honestly I find them delightful and silly and I always knew I wanted to have them one day,” commented another. “I’ve worked with kids on/off for all of my working life and I think they’re so brilliant and completely underrated by so many adults, including other parents.”

“I wanted the challenge. I felt I had something to offer them. I knew it would change me,” a dad said.

There are just so many varied reasons — and it’s clear that some people have many more reasons than just one. It seems like kids are the right choice for some people and not the right choice for others — and both choices should be respected (and maybe stop asking about it!).