A Woman Wonders If She Should Get Her Tubes Tied Without Her Husband’s Support
“Reproductive responsibility has always fallen on my shoulders.”
Building a family can be really exciting, but people sleep on the particular joy that can come along with knowing you’re done building your family. It’s not always an easy decision, but when you know you know, and there’s a freedom in knowing one stage of your life is done and you can fully embrace a more knowable future. Of course, that leaves most of us with the question of birth control, and now that you’re done, you or your partner could opt for permanent sterilization. Reddit user Kimber_Rex22 (we’ll call her Kimber) thinks that’s a great idea. Her husband? Not so much, and she took to r/AITAH (Am I The Assh*le) to ask “AITAH for sterilizing myself against my partner’s wishes?”
“I need some unbiased outside opinions because I truly feel like I’m going crazy dealing with this situation,” she pleads.
Kimber explains that she and her partner, both in their late 20s, have two children together after eight years of marriage, during which time she was either on birth control or tracking her cycles to build their family. “Reproductive responsibility has always fallen on my shoulders,” she notes. She and her husband had recently discussed the possibility that they were done having children, and the two agreed they were Team Two-And-Through.
“So with that I thought ‘Great! I can bring up sterilization for either him or I,’” she says, adding that every other form of birth control she’s tried hasn’t left her “feeling 100% okay.”
“It’s been about 3 months since our talk about more children, so I brought up either getting a vasectomy for him or me getting a salpingectomy (removing my fallopian tubes),” Kimber explains. “What I thought would be a productive conversation completely blew up.”
Not only did her husband “outright refuse” a vasectomy, he did not accept her cheerful offer to get a salpingectomy.
“He completely flipped his sh*t on me, screaming at me about how he forbids it from happening and he won’t allow me to damage myself like that,” she continues. “I ended up just leaving the conversation and headed to get our kids from school but on the way I ended up calling my gynecologist to schedule a consultation for the salpingectomy after making sure I won’t need my spouse’s approval.
“So Reddit AITAH if I go through with the sterilization against my partner’s wishes?”
If you had strong feelings reading this story, know that you’re in good company. As of press time, the post has nearly 8,000 upvotes and more than 3,000 comments.
“He ‘forbids’ you. Big NOPE on that,” reads a comment that, frankly, is indicative of probably most of the other comments in the section.
“I can’t help thinking it’s more than the procedures,” says another commenter. “Even though he said he’s done with wanting more kids his actions say otherwise. He’s not being honest with you. If you love this man, talk to him again. Be firm. Find out what he is really not saying.”
“Sounds like to me a husbandectomy is what the doctor should prescribe,” muses a third.
Salpingectomy is an effective form of permanent birth control that also lowers a person’s cancer risk. The surgery is generally performed laparoscopically under general anesthesia. Recovery takes between one and two weeks. It’s a great option.
Another great option? Maybe even better when you consider the recovery time is somewhat shorter and it’s performed under local anesthesia? Vasectomy!
Approximately 500,000 men choose vasectomies annually in the United States, though that number is “surprisingly low and declining.” Vasectomies are 10 to 20 minutes, outpatient procedures and have very few risks. Maybe best of all, they’re almost 100% effective at preventing future pregnancies (just go to those follow-ups to make sure you’re not getting sperm in your semen, fellas).
And so, Kimber, to add to the 3,000-strong choir of people supporting you in whatever decision you make about your body: Not only are you NTA (not the a*shole), but your husband is absolutely being one in this case. We hope he gets over whatever is making him act so bratty in time to wait on you hand and foot in your recovery as you once again take full charge and responsibility of your family planning.
